The Grand Opening

I've spent the last week re-opening.
Emotions rushing in from every direction.
It's an organic high.
My vision is re-focused
Watching all of my efforts come into fruition
is leaving me with more hope and more strength.
Like a magic sunrise off the desert hills
another day and moment is born
and I am on fire in all directions.
The great one has left me another sparkle of glory.

All because I dare to follow my heart.

The Last of 'Holding On'

The build up is intense.
Alone time shouldn't feel this good
but it does.
Its amazing to me the irony in how much I care about others
but right now I'm pushing you away.
I need to give myself endlessly to you.
I know its my hearts calling, but its the realization of
unfinished business within myself that scares me.
Soo many pressures that I defy.
age, race, sex, politics,religion...walls of garbage...

My heart sings through all of this mess.
I am dancing on your planet like a whirling Dervish
begging you to be free with me.
but its the begging that has me stumbling
why am I so concerned about you all?

I have been thinking about this alot lately..
I know most subscribe to the theory and I do as well
that we have to make ourselves happy first right?
but what happens if ..
what continues to keep me happy is giving YOU a smile?

Im not some preachy fool who doesn't understand my own objectives.

I understand them clearly.

I know what I am working for and why I am doing it.

I'm not lofty and I'm not dreaming.
I know without a doubt the human potential.
I know YOUR potential.
I am not going to subscribe to cynicism or ego.
I know a million books and hours of research can not tell you how to listen to your own heart.

I guess what terrifies me is how far the world will push me away
as I defy its morals, its political correctness, and its boundaries
while I take a stand for you.

I'll die one day
but I'll die knowing I loved.

Coming Into Motion

Is there a pulsating light coming from within? Is it upon the horizon?

I was eating lunch today and feeling this amazing connection with Leo DiCaprio's character in the Titanic..or Emile Hirsch character in Into the Wild..begging to be alone to grasp that glimpse of fate, the meeting of minds, the one chance to be the reminder of life's ride... why do I long for these moments? I guess they simply just feel real to me...

Let's see..life altering events this past week??....glimpses of change??....

I'm living in La Jolla for the next 3 weeks?...I miss comforts of HOME. What an amazing concept and how important it is for us all to have it..How my Heart saddens for those that don't have this place...

I have taken advantage of being solely responsible for my place of work while the owner is away.. Kind of a last test and examination to myself in thoughts of owning my own little shop one day...
How well do I handle stress..How well do I manage??

Also lately, a sense of needing alone time has come up from within the last couple of days...It's amazing to me how we can forget the importance of something soo big.... My emotions have been on 'intense' recently.

I guess to be honest...

I am on fire at all ends right now..feeling some sort of internal countdown....
and these emotions are not about to stop. They are real...
they flow through every one of us at some point or another.. you know..that constant wonder
where is this leading? why is this ride taking such sharp turns?? get me the fuck off!

but it can't stop... it won't stop... All we can do is embrace.

take every moment just a little bit more serious and yet loosen up just a bit

hold my hand dear,

as we find out more about ourselves...

The beginning of the End

Well here goes nothing,
My first attempt at the blog world that I feel like has been around for centuries now. I Started my page last September and have come back every other day to stare at its empty screen. Why now? Why begin to map this autonomous thing I call life? I guess I thought it may be interesting to watch a change in my life that is beginning to happen. This change is huge! Or at least it feels big to me. Over the last 11 yrs I have grown tremendously. I have fallen in love and I don't mean the romantic kind. I have always had myself to lean on, but I truly fell in love with my own spirit and this big universe that it contains. Falling in love with something so grand can sure leave you walking around aimlessly. With all of my devoted and passionate spirit, I know it is being left to waste if I find no physical purpose with it. From time to time I dive into peoples lives reflecting for a brief moment, the very beautiful spirit they seem to be having trouble to find. I leave them with this insight and then I move on. I call it my angel technique. But I guess it is the very human spirit that leaves me unidentified and unaccomplished , like it is not enough. Is this my calling...calling my name? Is something bigger on the horizon? May I rapture even more beautiful spirits? I don't know. But I do know with every ounce of my heart I am on the brink of change. On earth, for the last 7 years, I have been a manager of a coffee shop in one location. I love this place. It vibrates with me. It circulates with energy and love. More so than I think most people are aware. The business is now changing hands in June, and my future is uncertain. At the end of May I leave for the mystical land that thousands of bohemians, artists, poets and philosophers go to in search of something more...Peru. Not to mention in August I leave for my first Burning Man. This many life changing events typically do not happen in such a condensed time frame, but it is for me. This is why I know change is on the horizon.
Most people work toward earthly goals, which makes complete sense. My goals are a bit more blurred and not very physical. My goal is to become love. to become infinite. to reach nirvana. to become nothing and everything at the same time. to leave a mark. to give you another smile. This all plays into the aimless walking about I mentioned earlier. At what point can I draw a conclusion of how close I am to my goals? It has to be something I feel. I can no longer explain the work I am putting in towards you. It has to be felt. This brings me to why I keep one foot on the ground, why i work at a coffee shop and why I still search for the physical answer to my dilemma. I hope that this is what the change that I feel approaching is.
My light has to become brighter.